coffee_queen: (butterfly)
[personal profile] coffee_queen
Title: The River I Cried
Pairing: Mark Webber/Sebastian Vettel
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is made up and done for the purpose of entertainment, not profit
Warnings: references to the angry sex
Summary: Mark and Seb were trying to get back to something like normality
A/N: They wouldn't leave me alone, the bastards, the absolute bastards. Anyway, a sequel like thing to 'The Perfect Crime'.
Word count: 900



Mark didn’t know when he found his way back to Seb. He just knew that, one day, the anger had disappeared, replaced with utter shame instead. He didn’t stop, not even for a second. He rushed towards Seb’s room, climbed into the bed, wrapped his arms around Seb as tightly as he could manage and begged for forgiveness until his voice was hoarse.

Seb hadn’t dared move at first, but it had all changed when he felt Mark behind him. He’d listened to every word Mark had said, though most of them were repeated and he hadn’t needed so many. He waited for Mark to stop talking before he turned over.

Mark bit on the inside of his lower lip and frowned.

Seb watched Mark for a minute before shifting closer and pressing a soft kiss to Mark’s lips.

“Sleep now.”

--

Seb was the first to wake up the following morning. He led there for a few minutes, delighting in being so close to Mark again, at feeling Mark’s arms around him, at smelling that smell that is so undeniably Mark. He turned over and opened his eyes. He spent the next several minutes just staring at Mark- he almost couldn’t believe he was getting to be so close to Mark again, but it was happening and he was certainly not going to ruin it. He freed one of his hands and reached out towards Mark. He gently ran his fingers over Mark’s face, tracing lines that he didn’t remember being there a week ago.

Mark muttered softly and started to stir. He was smiling before he could stop himself, but when he came into full awareness his expression darkened. He opened his eyes a fraction and turned his head away when he saw Seb.

Seb frowned heavily. He put his hand on Mark’s cheek.

Mark tried to push Seb’s hand away, but it was only a half-hearted attempt.

“Mark, please. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Mark shook his head. “I’m the one that should be apologising.”

Seb stared at Mark for a minute before trying to turn Mark’s head towards him.

“Mark, please just look at me.”

“How can I?” Mark pushed Seb’s hand away and sat up. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and put his elbows on his knees. He leant forward and put his head in his hands. “How can you stand it?”

“I don’t understand.” Seb sat up and shifted across the bed. He put a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “Talk to me.”

Mark glanced at Seb through the corner of his eye.

“You should hate me for what I did to you.”

Seb’s eyes widened slightly. He took a minute to recover from his shock and then moved across the bed. He leant his head on Mark’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist.

Mark sighed lightly and leant towards Seb, despite his worries.

“Why don’t you hate me?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

Mark was caught somewhere between laughing and crying. He took several deep breaths before he managed to find his voice again.

“I’m sorry.” Mark turned towards Seb and grabbed onto Seb as tightly as he could manage. “I’m so sorry.”

Seb shifted around to a less awkward position and settled against Mark.

“I should have stopped myself. I should never have… I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t need you to apologise. I don’t blame you.”

Mark slowly turned to face Seb. He pushed Seb back slightly so that he could properly look into Seb’s eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I deserved it.”

Mark swore time stopped then- he felt like he stared at Seb for hours, but it could only have been a matter of seconds.

“What’s wrong with you? How can you think anyone deserved that? I’m supposed to…” Mark shook his head. “How can I say that I love you if I’d do that?”

“I hurt you first.”

“That was…” Mark shook his head. “I should have expected that from you. I mean, half the reason I fell for you in the first place was because you just don’t give up- you do whatever it takes.” He almost smiled. “I don’t want you to change. I don’t want you to be someone that I don’t know.”

“What do you want?”

Mark turned towards Seb and shrugged lightly.

“Not this.”

“Then we don’t have this. This is… We can just be like we were before.” Seb rested his forehead on Mark’s shoulder.

“Do you really think we can go back to that?”

“Yes.” Seb pressed a kiss to Mark’s shoulder, but then pulled back and frowned. “Do you think we can’t? Do you… Do you not trust me?”

Mark opened and closed his mouth several time before speaking.

“More like I don’t trust me.”

“No.” Seb shook his head. “No, you think I’ll do something to make you…”

“No, it’s not like that. It’s…” Mark covered his face with his hands. “How can it be okay after that? How can we be okay after that?”

“It’s finished with. Why does it have to mean anything now?”

“Can you just forget? Really?” Mark took his hands away from his face and looked at Seb. “Can you pretend that none of it ever happened?”

“I just want to be us again.” Seb leant over and pressed his forehead to the side of Mark’s head. “Can we? Please.”

on 2013-04-22 02:25 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Oh my a sequel; lovely writng.

It is an interesting and brave line to investigate with Seb. I know he feels 'He deserved it' now... but I wonder if he will always feel like that.

Somehow, I don't think Mark is going to forgive himself as easily as Seb seems to, and this is going to spell trouble I fear.

I also wonder how they will both deal with the next altercation on or off the track, living with those sort of relationship eggshells is not going to be easy.

Nicely handled, and I look forward to more (please).

on 2013-04-22 02:40 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
I've totally even written another piece too. Bastards are worming their way into my heart

He never really intended to hurt Mark, never will, but I guess he doesn't always see that some things he does might hurt Mark anyway so when he finally realises that he's hurt Mark he feels incredibly guilty

Yeah, Mark's bad feelings don't exactly go away easily, but there's Seb right there and that counts for an awful lot

It was never going to be easy, it never is for any of our boys, but they've got the love and it all really starts from there

I'll have to go through the next part again, but maybe it'll be up in a few days

on 2013-04-22 06:45 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
May you never shutter your heart against them... Even if it means some of your other muses, including some personal favourites, are left in turmoil.

I can see that, he is young and things are so black and white, and he wants to win. Yeah, Seb being there will count for almost everything for Mark. He just needs to breathe and try and move on, or he won't be able to see past this.

No it isn't, but that is why we love them, especially when we have peeps like you to keep us up to date.

I will look forward to it... See this is all your fault.. You have corrupted me with them, and now I want to know as well! Huffs mildly

on 2013-04-22 06:58 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Most of the rest of my boys are in turmoil normally anyway

I think Seb just needs to think a bit more and realise that being selfish in the race might be understandable, but he needs to think a bit more about how things will affect Mark
I guess Seb looking at him like he's the best thing in the world probably helps Mark get over the situation easier

I wish some of them would cause less trouble, though

It's not like it's my fault either- if they hadn't gone and practically told the entire world they would be having angry sex then I'd never have written anything

on 2013-04-22 07:56 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
I am resisting the tempatation to ask, as it doesn't seem faitr on you or the F1 boys to take over this post with superheroes or procyclists ;)

Leaves him in a tricky situation though, what would either of hem do next time it happens? Perhaps if they just followed team orders, which would leave neither of them with any personal guilt, so to speak.

Aww, I do feel for you, it must be a bit maddening to have so many demandy voices in your imagination.

You know, I don't remember that exact comment in their press interviews ;d, but I totally get what you mean.

on 2013-04-22 08:16 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Don't forget tennis players ;P

Next time it happens? Well, let's say they don't stay fixed and happy for very long ;) I think if they did follow team orders, Seb would start resenting Mark for being in the way of him winning and that would lead to a whole different kind of mess

It really is.

They didn't say it out loud or anything, but that was the message I got from everything

on 2013-04-22 08:44 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Nice Berto.. he looks at crisis point!

How could I? Just didn't like to ask after the Rafa v Novak match yesterday :(

Oh, I am sooo looking forward to the next installment.

Try and stay sane won't you? Send them over if they get too bad. I am really good at ignoring them.

;D


on 2013-04-22 08:51 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
That was during his whole appeal thing so I think crisis point is a pretty accurate description

I think I'm glad Novak won that. Of course, I was too busy being at work to be able to watch. It's not Rafa and Novak that are being the problem though- more like Andy and Novak. Or, really, more just Novak

Whenever I get a chance to write it

You're welcome to borrow them any time you like- it would be nice to have a break

on 2013-04-22 09:39 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Very apt then.. Brad on the other hand just looks like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.

I didn't see it either, just heard the result. Hmm Novak, is he being all Serbian and brooding again?

Exactly, I will wait patiently.

Ok send me them round, I've got my ear plugs in

on 2013-04-22 09:51 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
It's Brad- he's probably usually being caught doing something (someone) he shouldn't

It might have even been more about Rafa losing than Novak winning and I feel a little bad about that, but anyway.
He's not brooding. He's being irresponsible in a way and it's pissing Andy right off

I will definitely try and make some time, though

You'll probably get like three bus-fulls of troublesome muses arriving any time now. Though, in happy news, I was having trouble working out Bernie's motivations in one fic, but I think I've solved it now. YAY!

on 2013-04-23 01:28 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
This is true, he's a character, and long may he be so.

You shouldn't feel bad about that, you can't help it. I was rooting for Rafa, so we sort of evened it up. Well, I guess it's better than brooding, least you know what the problem is. He has to be careful not to mess with Murray's head.

:)

The charabangs have arrived and have disgorged chattering, excited, sulking, shouting, angry, depressed muses. I have herded them into the hotel, locked doors and run away. Hah hah don't care. Let me know when things get too quiet for you. I'm pleased Bernie has his mojo back. *hastily stops grabby hands*., but casts disappointed glance at hotel... No Bernie * sighs*
Edited on 2013-04-23 01:30 am (UTC)

on 2013-04-23 09:42 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Absolutely

It's not like I don't love Rafa or anything- I just sort of don't want him to own so much on clay (but then I don't want Novak to win the French Open either because part of me wants Andy to win it before Novak even though I doubt it will happen). Oh, Andy's totally pissed at him and will be yelling. A lot

It's just that you don't get THAT Bernie- there's more Bernie's I'm working with, you know

on 2013-04-23 12:38 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
That is the sort of thing Andy does very well, and Novak will have to listen and sort it out.

Which Bernie do I have? NO don't tell me, I'll have more fun finding out.
I've left them out on their bikes for some exercise and ordered up pasta and wine for later. Should be OK, they quite like Jersey.

on 2013-04-23 05:58 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
It's still going to be awkward for them, for a while, but they'll be okay in the end

I guess it's even technically more than one Bernie, seeing as I'm working with so many of them
That does sound nice. Just don't let them have too much wine or I fear they'll cause more trouble than they're worth

on 2013-04-24 08:25 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Good

Have you been cloning Bernie? Thought it had been decided that cloning was generally a bad idea ;) OK, so give me a heads up, which Bernie types might I have. I have one that has done nothing but sit on the floor hugging his knees, staring into the distance, and rocking ... what have you been doing to him?

Aghh too late, I got caught up with unexpected phonecalls last night. The hotel looks wrecked, the wine is all gone, some of them have surfaced but are all wearing very dark sunglasses. I peeped into one room and there was just a tumble of arms and legs on the bed.. I was scared so I crept back out. I have booked surfing lessons and coasteering.. that'll teach em.

on 2013-04-24 09:17 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
If you've got that Bernie, then I haven't been doing anything to him. It's just that people have been doing things to Tony. Bad things

Yeah, it might be best to leave them to it for a while. Or make them suffer. Either way, as long as they're occupied for right now

on 2013-04-24 10:31 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Aghh! who is the man with the scary eye? Nice userpic though.

Oh poor Tony, I don't like the sound of People and Bad Things.. I hope he gets rescued. I just didn't want to touch Bernie in case it brought back bad personal memories. Now I know it's all about poor Tony, I will help him through it.

I'm leaving the completely still drunk ones to sleep it off, the walking semi conscious ones are trying to get into wetsuits.. it's comical I may have to help. There will be no more wine until they can be trusted and if there is anymore trouble they will spend all the rest of the ime learning Jerriais.. and nobody wants that! Yes I think keeping them occupied will be the thing. Do you think George is available?

on 2013-04-24 10:37 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Oh, that's Lionel Luthor from Smallville. There are not words for how much I love him, even when he's being evil

I wish I could say that everything would work out, but sadly that's not the case

I totally imagine at least half of them trying to put the wetsuits on backwards and wondering what went wrong. And maybe they're already splashing water at each other or throwing sand at each other and maybe Andy is making sandcastles
George is always available to help out. Except in the one fic, but I'm keeping those muses for now because I need to figure them out more fully

on 2013-04-24 11:10 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Would that be Dad of Lex?

Oh blimey.. are you writing Nordic Noir? sounds as bleak as an episode of Wallander... poor, sweet Tony

They really are a clueless bunch withourt soigneurs around, and yes there is sand everywhere already! It didn't help that a lot of them had splashed in the sea before they put their wet suits on. Yes some of them are on backwards (that's EBH for you), and someone appears to be trying to get his head through the armhole, can't see who that is. Andy hasn't made a sandcastle yet but is collecting shiny sea glass.

Have mailed George tickets to Jersey, he's says he's looking forward to a break. Haven't told him it's no holiday here and that he has work to do.

Sorry going to have to go. Jakob and Matti have dug a huge sand pit and are calling it the Spanish trap, and Tom, Fabs and Bernie are trying to sneak off for a pint. Get back here boys right now, get the wetsuits sorted and get in the water RIGHT NOW.

on 2013-04-24 11:14 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Yes, it would

It's not going to be fun for anyone, really

I bet that's Jakob- he's probably still a little bit drunk from last night and can't figure out any kind of clothes properly

I'm not sure he'd mind- he does love taking care of his boys

You need to threaten them with no George-time of they don't behave

on 2013-04-24 12:27 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Hah, point for me for knowing 'something' about Superman.

Oh blimey

Probably, it's fallen over now and is thrahing about on the sand, eveyone is just laughing. He really should just not bother with clothes.

George arriving tomorrow morning

IT'S FREAKIN' CHAOS HERE NOW.
Never mind Five Go Down to the Sea. This is so not like Enid Blyton, it's not even funny. It is though

on 2013-04-24 12:34 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
You totally get a point. And a virtual cookie

Someone should really go over and help before he starts crying because that would juts start off a massive train of tears that no one ever wants

He can't get there soon enough. Try and distract everyone by getting them to make pretty pictures for George

on 2013-04-24 12:50 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Two words:

Bjarne appeared

We are all hiding in the hotel. I am combing sand out of Jakob's hair and the rest are barricading doors and windows.
We are scared, please tell George to hurry.

on 2013-04-24 01:55 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
All you've got to do to get George there sooner is hand the phone to crying Cav and that will make George get there ASAP- George doesn't like Cav being upset

on 2013-04-24 07:06 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Can't get hold of George, he must be in the air. Bjarne only wanted a word with Matti, and even though he was scared he went like a brave little soldier; I have sent Jens out to mKe sure he is OK. Bernie has calmed Cav and they are playing who gets to sit next to Mark at the hospital with Tony. Jakob is thankfully sand free and wetsuit free and is currently charming the pants of Andy. Tom and Fabs have disappeared but I'm not worrying about that at all. I only have to make it another 7 hours and George will be here to save us. I think I may stay overnight.

on 2013-04-24 07:37 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
You mean they haven't all actually tried to climb into the hospital bed with Mark?

on 2013-04-24 07:46 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Umm, they've had their passports confiscated so can not actually get to Mark in The Netherlands at the mo. I won't go into details but that is George's first problem to sort out.

on 2013-04-24 08:49 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
I hope you've got like a crate of beer to hand to George after he's sorted everyone out- he deserves a treat

on 2013-04-24 10:36 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
If that's his favourite, then I will sort it. Anything to keep George happy.
It's all quiet here now, though Matti is not back, and neither is Jens. I'm getting suspicious cos Bobby wants to go and look for them and others are volunteering to help. Either Matti and Jens Re in trouble, or I've been had and it's an excuse for a pub trip. WE ARE GOING TO A FULL LOCK DOWN SITUATION. Jakob is being distracting so we should be OK.

on 2013-04-25 10:06 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Of course they'd be getting into trouble. And Cav is still not crying in a corner because George isn't here yet, right? It's a good job they've got Jakob for a distraction then

on 2013-04-25 10:21 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
GEORGE IS HERE
He's a darling.
It's all OK now.
Matti a bit quiet, but at least Bjarne has left

on 2013-04-25 11:53 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
And exactly how many people are hanging off George right now?

on 2013-04-25 12:09 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
Only one, and he's wrapped that tightly thatno one else can get near . No prizes for guessing who.

on 2013-04-25 12:18 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Oh, bless. I bet he's whimpering a fair bit, too

on 2013-04-25 12:35 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
He was, now he's just purring like the cat who got the cream

on 2013-04-25 12:43 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
There we go with the cream again

on 2013-04-25 01:00 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] flipping-elves.livejournal.com
It's not my fault... Honest

on 2013-04-25 01:09 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Yeah, I totally believe you ;)

on 2013-04-23 08:33 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] originalsarcasm.livejournal.com
Poor Mark and Seb ... defiantly wondered how they would interact after your last story so i am glad there is a follow up :)

on 2013-04-23 08:48 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
I felt guilty about leaving them in a bad place, but then they seem to want more of that. Totally another follow up coming too ;)

on 2013-04-24 10:24 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] alt-reayoon.livejournal.com
Sequel! :) it's a great ending, and I'm so glad they don't fight anymore. (Angsty couple yes, but not forever haha.)

Lovely fic!

on 2013-04-25 10:04 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] caz-kenobi.livejournal.com
Don't fight anymore until the next part ;P

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